Top Ten Benefits of Not Having Friends

Lonely Guy

10. Never have to share your birthday cake

9. It's a lot easier to find a single seat in a crowded movie theater

8. You never have to worry about erasing full answering machine tapes

7. Never have to feign exitement at your surprise party

6. Fighting over the retaurant bill is so embarrassing

5. Drive a Yugo and have room to spare

4. You have more time to check your e-mail

3. Call waiting is just too damned expensive

2. Masturbation: Sex with someone you love

1. You can reuse the same appointment book year after year